Saruman gets Laid
by Darkspawndweller04
Summary: Saruman gets an answer to the advert he placed in the newspaper for someone to have sex with. It's not who he expects but someone else comes back from the dead to join in. Do not read before Saruman Builds a Shed.


Do NOT read this until you've read Saruman Builds a Shed as this leads on from where that left off.

Saruman had been waiting a very long time for someone to reply to his advert in the Hobbiton Times but had sadly remained alone. He had started to do gardening and grow his own fruit and vegetables in his spare time to distract him from his lonely forgetfulness and his horniness. He had also come up with a dong control device which helped his dong to stay down or at least not to stick up like a skyscraper. It looked a lot like a cock ring but had spikes all over it that would stick into Saruman's man-stick and cause massive pain which would make him yodel and his cock go soft. This meant he could go into Hobbiton when necessary to buy groceries and stuff without Hobbit women screaming as they walked into his massive erect dong.

One day Saruman was sleeping in his shed, which was mainly full of poop as he'd filled up most of the floor space with his diarrhea and didn't have a toilet, when there was a knock at the door. Saruman got angry because this was the first time he had been able to sleep in twenty days due to his PTSD and told the person to get lost. The knocking continued and so Saruman had to answer the door. He looked shocked when he saw that it was Denethor and shat himself a little in fright as the Steward of Gondor came into his shed and marvelled at the sea of crap. "Why are you here!?" Asked Saruman and Denethor looked a little sad. "I came to answer your request in the newspaper." He said and Saruman's eyes went wide with shock. His dong rose a little though at the thought of having someone to get laid with. Denethor noticed this and started laughing evilly and ripping his carpet like robe off to expose the horrible wrinkly pale flesh under it. "Wha...AAAAARRRRRGGGGHH MY DONG!" Yodelled Saruman melodiously as Denethor grabbed his erect and spike impaled cock and forced it further into the spikes of the cock ring. Denethor jumped on Saruman and started making out with him and both of the old men tumbled back into the shit pile which stank like diapers. Denethor was unstoppable and managed to pull off Saruman's robes in one swipe leaving him naked with his monumental cock out. Then the fucking began.

Denethor knelt down despite his arthritis and started sucking Saruman's dong which was very painful for the wizard because the spiky cock ring was still on. Then Denethor started spitting on Saruman until his whole body was slimy with a film of saliva. This was so that he could sit on Saruman's cock and ride him like a cowboy until they cummed. Denethor plunged his ass onto Saruman's massive dong and started jumping up and down to fuck him. Saruman both moaned in pleasure and screamed in pain as his dong was humped and spiked at the same time. He started puking and having diarrhea from the mixed emotions of it all and this aroused Denethor to the point where he cummed all over Saruman in great strings of toxic green cum. The cum mixed with Saruman's diarrhea and spawned a new magical staff for Saruman which was made of solid shit with mucus dripping out of the top which was shaped like a giant dong. Saruman was now so scared that he tried to reach for the magical staff to push Denethor off him with magic because Denethor was still fucking his cock with his rancid ass. As Saruman grabbed the staff Denethor yelled at him "No! Magical staffs generated by my cum and poop only know how to do one spell! They cause corpses to appear!"

But it was too late and Saruman did the spell anyway. He needed to cum but creepy Denethor just wasn't doing it for him at all. Magic swirled around and the corpse of Gríma Wormtongue appeared in the shit pile next to them. His eyes opened and he groaned like a zombie. Saruman screamed and said "Gríma, you're dead! How are you getting up and walking and stuff?!" and Gríma just zombie moaned and shoved Denethor off of Saruman's dong so that he could pay attention to it himself like old times. Denethor fell into the shit, had diarrhea all over himself, cummed again and then melted because of the overload of toxins on his skin. Gríma started to do the slimy worm-tongue thing and Saruman cummed within seconds which blood and cum at the same time because of the spike trap his cock was stuck in. The pressure of another man riding his cock also caused stored diarrhea to blast Gríma out of the shed and blow apart the shed walls. Gríma melted away and disintegrated when the sunlight touched him. He became a non moving corpse again but his boner remained, made into stone in the sun as a pillar of doom and sexiness. Saruman now had no friends, no toilet and was homeless again. He also had shit all over the Old Forest and it started to wither and die because of the stench. He had no choice but to find another home. He grabbed his shit mucus staff and walked away naked and satisfied leaving two corpses and broken hopes in his path.

The end


End file.
